full on empty Now

i have not written here in FOREVER. there is my perception of time for ya. a few days/weeks/months all might equate to my mental timeline of forever. lately my mind has been reliving and reliving and reliving - right in the middle of the moment. i have been far and away. i spend the NOW regretting, replaying, and regurgitating the PAST while simultaneously lamenting what seems to be the most certain and fated FUTURE. and where am I? i have tuned out - unable to be present because i am multi-tasking in the past and future with such whole-hearted commitment. ahhhh enough.

BUT, i have not written in this bloglette in FOREVER because i have not had any epiphanies while running these days. i have not experienced "everything making sense" at the time. what i have experienced is the absolute relief and bliss of clearing my head. i have been willing to wake up and run, run sans sleep, run sans sun, run in the rain, run in thick mud - because of the ease with which i can NOT think.

my mind stops focusing, fixing, and negotiating with my imaginary conversation partners and i just run... i am not thinking of anything. it is like respite care for the compulsive thinker. it is a break. my mind goes empty and i feel present and altogether whole, present, and FULL.

that's why i haven't written for so long. there was, delightfully enough, nothing to say. thank gOd.