chasing squirrels

like most dogs of a hyper nature, rita stalks, chases, herds, and hunts squirrels.
she does not discriminate against squirrels. she'll chase gray squirrels, black squirrels, brown squirrels, squirrels sans fluffy tail, and i can only assume she would chase the white squirrel that i just recently learned exist in southeastern illinois. yes, a white squirrel. it looks as icky as it sounds. i think i would have to run away if i saw one. yuck-o

what is remarkable to me is that despite being an otherwise trainable beast (any time i have food, she stays in a perfect sit in hopes of the magic position manifesting food in her mouth) she doesn't figure out that she will never catch the squirrel. rita has never won the race. that pesky squirrel always outruns her, scampers up a tree, or the leash tethering rita to me keep her from it. last week she bravely chased the squirrel right into a thick, well-groomed bush that must have felt like being attacked by a Christmas tree. yet, she perseveres.

i have thought to myself --- when will she ever learn? she is just exhausting herself running and getting all worked up over this little squirrel that she will never get to. and if on some find day in the future she actually did get the squirrel, i don't think she would even know what to do with it. it would most likely scratch the heck out of her and poison her noise with squirrel nastiness.

oh, you dumb dog, we say. watching rita, i realize i spend a great deal of time chasing squirels. i lie awake at night, i sit at my desk, i drive down the road, i talk to a friend - all the while chasing pesky squirrels in my mind. i repeat conversations (imaginary, rehearsed, or historical) again and again - stalking myself like Rain-man. I tree a squirrel of a relationship and wait there, scampering around to get a better perspective of the little stinker, who will never just come down from the tree...if for no other reason than i'm at the bottom of it all worked up like old yellar.

ah, yes. i know a few things about diving head long into an emotional bramble bush with unfailing expectation of catching that squirrel.

or maybe we do know.

maybe we know that we will never catch that squirrel but it's just our misplaced fighter spirit.

maybe like dogs, we are normally trainable beasts. but when it comes to fruitless distractions of our head and heart - we have a uniquely indefatigable spirit.

so we keep chasing squirrels. it's what we do.