therapy dog

I have used in a sermon before a prayer that goes something along the lines of, "when i am lonely, send me someone who feels like a bigger loser; when i am thirsty, send me someone all dried up and dead; when i am in need of the tender mercies of God, send me someone totally vulnerable and needy". Not those words, exactly, eh. That was my paraphrase of a very lovely prayer that I have too often written off (while using in a sermon) as great cognitive therapy and motivational negotiation for a mass audience. Until this week. I get it now.

I was just about to crumble under my need for some familiar, intimate, tenderness. I wanted to be in a rest day with someone who just loves me silly; will laugh with me, have long breakfasts, take naps, lay around and do nothing - intentionally - because I'm their favorite person to be with. I just wanted to be LOVED - is that so wrong!? And before I could even complain about being alone Rita Rae cut her leg quite pitifully, requiring stiches. And being that she would have to be "put under" i had them also trim her nails to the lowest possible nub, brush her teeth, and remove an old lady-like nasty wart object in her leg-pit (as I'll call it).

It made for quite a long day for li'l Rita Rae, and for this big mama. She did not come out of anasthesia well. She stood around moaning, swaying like a drunk old man, unable to just lie down, settle, or get comfortable at all. She had to wear the megaphone over her head. Nobody likes that.

I have decided that this megaphone is a fine thing that maybe we all need when we are healing. For one thing, it lets everyone know that this "one" has been injured and is trying really hard to heal. Although it would be awkward to wear such a public announcement of our painful healing, it might be give people some explanation of our difficulty getting around and managing ourselves while we recover from a broken heart.spirit.dream.identity. It would be pretty tough to fake that we are not well. It would be okay - because we are wearing the official Healing Collar.

Rita had no sense of how much space she required with her healing collar. More than ever she wanted to be close to me, constantly with me, touching and leaning into me. But, the collar made it awkward and uncomfortable to do that. How many relationships born of a wound would never have begun had we worn the Healing Collar, detirmining a certain distance that had to be maintained.... And how many wounded, torn, nasty infected-pussy relationships would never have been perpetually picked and licked -- and actually allowed to heal properly -- had we only worn the megaphone keeping us from attending to it while announcing to all; I AM HEALING!

So, back to the point of my neediness and thirst for familiar luvin.
Since this little incident Rita has been cuddling non-stop. NON STOP.
If I eat breakfast at the table, she will plead with me to allow her to just lay her front legs and chest over my lap, staring up at me with absolute adoration (my interpretation). If i lie on the couch, she curls into the tiniest pinwheel tucked into my chest and sleeps. This morning I stood in the kitchen crying, listening to a touching NPR story. She sat between my legs and wrapped her head around my ankle.

I'm not sure anymore who is the needy one. It seemed at first that Rita needed the constant affirmation that I would take care of her. But, she gives me this foolish, non-sensical, un-requested love that is just HUGE. I really dont understand it. But, I'm certain I desperately needed this week of tenderness, quiet sympathy, and love. I needed a week of intentional healing and recovery. I needed a week to be safely wrapped up in love, with no questions asked, no judgment, no nothing - just the sweet tender mercies from on high.

Dog in other languages is not God, inside-out. But, for me - it sure feels that way. Just as we ought not minimize God's character by anthropormorphizing God, I surely would not minimize my dog Rita, by making her love like human love. It just is not. It is a relationship of absolute mystery to me. Thank gOd.