healing intentions

Rita is pretty much still on sedentary confinement. We have the okay to walk, but not vigorously. I did not share with the vet that due to her zeal for life Rita can only walk vigorously. The stitches and recovery have not gone well for poor little Rita. She is still on antibiotics, 3 or 4 weeks later? What was 4 stitches is now this half-dollar (the coin - not half the bill) sized open wound. and i have learned a bit about healing and about my own selfish impatience.

1. don't rush the healer
i took Rita back to the vet when they told me, to take stitches out. they said that it should be healed by then. i really wanted the stitches out. not for any good reason other than i just did not want to have an injured dog anymore. but, that is dumb. so dumb i'm embarrassed. seems that each wound is different. they cut two (of four) stitches and the cut split open as if by a spring. And hour or two later it had stretched wide open.

2. a watched wound, never heals.
the vet tells me that when the cut had stitches, that kind of healing is called "1st Intention Healing" (any vets reading, i'm sorry if i get this all wrong). 1st Intention Healing happens on the surface. They close the skin up and it should grow back together, on the top.

now that there are no stitches and it is an open wound she is in "2nd Intention Healing". this kind of healing works from the inside. It is slow and not obvious. when it does finally heal it will leave a pretty vivid scar, as opposed to the neat and tidy little line of a scar that would have remained after stitches. the vet assures me that Rita is not feeling any pain on this wound, nasty though it may look to me.

the vet suggested i just stop looking. trust that the wound is healing and stop trying to decide if it is getting worse or better by looking at it, because i will not be able to tell for a long time. and it is on the inside that is making the difference. amazingly rita seems so unfazed by it all. she never licks and picks at it. she has so moved on. it doesn't hurt her anymore, so she doesn't even notice it.

there are so many ways that this relates to some of the significant and insignificant wounds in my life, that i hardly can break it all down.
mostly, i have just been humbled by my impatience for healing which only puts a focus on the wound, make it worse. my obsession in lookingat the wound(s), keeping watch, analyzing, blaming, regretting, negotiating, and fixing it at it. and humbled by Rita's skill of living in the moment - when she doesn't give two hoots (or barks) about this open wound on her body.

so there is the new bumper sticker for my brain -- just stop looking.